FMK: Characters on Metalocalypse.

Fuck: Charles Foster Offdensen, obviously. Anyone who can negotiate a Dethklok contract can negotiate consent like a BOSS. And you know he would be awesome in bed.

Marry: Pickles. Then, after being called “douchebag” one too many times, divorce Pickles. Then collect sweet, sweet Dethklok alimony forever.

Kill: Dr. Rockso. For one thing, I’m a coulrophobe and he’s a clown. But also…it would practically be a mercy killing. Yuh-yuh-yuh-yuh-yuh-yuh-YEAH!

Time change (cumulative).

I have an idea.

Next time we change the clocks, we “spring forward” an hour, right? But then in the autumn, we’re supposed to “fall back” an hour to even it out. I propose a new system: Let’s just keep springing forward an hour twice a year until dawn comes around 12:00 p.m.

Think about it. Graveyard shift workers will be able to go to sleep while it’s still dark. Night owls could be up at the crack of dawn – and get all of the sunlight they (we) really need.

This is a good plan, I know it.