A Month of Clothing Philosophy: Beginner’s Mind

Quick selfie for Me May May yesterday. I was wearing one of the very first successful t-shirts I ever made, a Greenstyle Centerfield Raglan sewn from seemingly indestructible space dye knit. I think it’s about 4 years old, but it barely has any signs of wear at all. This was the first knit shirt I ever made with a neckband that set in correctly.

A Month of Clothing Philosophy — Part Four
Beginner’s Mind

I’ve been sewing for many years, but I’m still learning new skills. For instance, I only started sewing with knit fabrics about 5 years ago or so. For all of my fearlessness in my teen years, knits were the one thing that stumped me — and before the magic of the internet, I had no idea where to turn for advice. There weren’t sewing blogs or YouTube tutorials, and (believe it or not) my main sewing reference was a vintage book I found in a thrift shop: McCall’s Complete Book of Dressmaking, copyright 1951.

So I knew how to make fancy bound buttonholes like a high end tailor, but had no idea how to make a simple t-shirt.

Knits really are more difficult to deal with than woven fabrics in some respects. They’re easier to sew with specialized equipment, and although you can sew them on a regular sewing machine, you still need special needles and sometimes a walking foot attachment — and not all sewing machines have settings flexible enough to sew knits without stretching them out.

Still, perseverance and practice go a long way towards mastery, even when your tools aren’t perfect.

My first several knit projects were abject failures, but my only regret is that I wasted so much fabric. I’m not ashamed of those early efforts. I practiced and let myself fail and eventually I got the hang of it. Even now my knit garments are far from perfect, but they’re good enough to wear — and that’s enough for me.

I took a kind of sewing hiatus for several years in the early 2000s. I was working multiple jobs, and had almost no free time. Aside from the occasional hem or pair of pajama pants, I didn’t sew much at all. When I took up sewing again, I was a much different shape and size than I had been. I had been a standard misses size when I was a teen and younger adult, and clothes in the late 1980s and early 1990s tended to be loose and somewhat boxy, anyway. I never needed to make many changes to make my sewing projects fit. I discovered that I couldn’t just pick a size from my measurements, blend to a larger size at the hips, and expect it to fit any longer. What worked for a size 12 trapeze dress in 1993 did not work for a size 20 fitted sundress in 2007. I had to learn a whole range of pattern adjustments, and I’m still learning new ones even now. But the result is so satisfying. I may have more work upfront than I used to, but in the end I have garments that fit better than ready to wear ever does. All of that time spent, even the frustration of the learning curve — it’s all worth it in the end.

There are so many other things I have yet to try, too. I’ve never made a winter coat or jeans — and I’ve just started a Craftsy class in pattern drafting for perfectly fitting underpants. (Can you imagine?) I could go into how learning new things can help to expand neural networks in the brain, and can contribute to a protective sort of neuroplasticity, but keeping a beginner’s mind can simply be satisfying in and of itself.

A Month of Clothing Philosophy: The Comfort of Repetition and the Repetition of Comfort

Today for Me Made May I’m wearing a silver pin dot print Comino Cap Dress accessorized with a DVD of “Fire Walk with Me” from the library. And yes, this is a dress made from the same sewing pattern as the shirt from Monday. You haven’t seen the last of this pattern yet, and may well be sick of it by the end of the month…but I won’t!

A Month of Clothing Philosophy — Part Three
The Comfort of Repetition and the Repetition of Comfort

I have very mild OCD. It doesn’t affect my life the way my anxiety and depression do, and my therapist agrees that although it’s definitely there, it doesn’t really require treatment at this level. (Unlike the rest of my craziness, is what she means. I have always admired her tactful honesty.) I do exhibit some ritualized behavior, though, and I find some forms of repetition very soothing, especially when stressed.

There’s a specific form of repetition I find especially pleasing when it comes to sewing: I can make as many versions of the same sewing pattern as I want. I’ve always tended to sew multiples of well-loved patterns, but since fitting has become more of an issue, it’s especially soothing. After putting in the initial (and sometimes lengthy) effort to make a pattern work, the second or third version of a garment can be pure pleasure. By that point only an ill-chosen fabric or a real lapse in concentration can ruin a garment. It’s nice to just enjoy the process when you can be fairly secure in your final product. It’s relaxing.

I would say that my favorite sewing pattern right now is the Comino Cap top and dress. Even at my size the top only takes one yard of fabric — the dress only two yards — and including cutting I can make either one in less than two hours. Two hours! Sewing is in many ways the opposite of fast fashion, but when you have limited time or energy, a fast project is definitely easier.

The Comino Cap also has the benefit of being very comfortable — the phrase you usually see amongst sewists is “secret pajamas.” I love having a closet full of comfortable knit tops and dresses, all in different colors and prints, and it never bothers me that many are from the exact same sewing pattern. No one ever notices, either — unless they sew themselves, and then they usually just want to know which pattern you like so much. I am kind of a repetitive sewing bore, but no one has ever said so to my face!

Not every garment I sew is worthy of repetition, but I definitely enjoy those that are.

A Month of Clothing Philosophy: The Power of Frustration

Today for Me Made May I’m wearing a modified Made by Rae Washi Dress in an excellent fat cat print. And yes, I specifically matched my accessories to the cats’ glowing eyes! The fabric was part of a Halloween collection of prints, but I wear this dress all the time. It’s always Halloween in my heart, you see.

A Month of Clothing Philosophy — Part Two
The Power of Frustration

I realized something in kindergarten: I didn’t dress like the other kids. There were only six of us in my class, but five out of six — boys and girls alike — wore jeans and t-shirts almost every day. I always wore a dress. Always. Rain, shine, snow — it didn’t matter. I usually wore shorts under my dresses for the sake of modesty, because I was just as likely to jump, climb, and run around like any other kid, but I don’t think I owned a single pair of pants from ages 4 to 12.

This wasn’t something my parents forced on me; it was just a preference. And seeing other kids dressed differently didn’t change my habits one bit. I genuinely didn’t care that I stood out, and if you think peer pressure eventually changed my stance…you would be very wrong.

I was already a pretty eccentric kid, but in my teen years I eventually went a little…well…goth. Size wasn’t as much of an issue yet (though I was always near the top of “straight” sizes, usually a misses 12 or 14), but living in a rural area in the late 1980s limited my clothing choices pretty severely. My family was also, frankly, rather poor — which was also a consideration. So even if Hot Topic had existed, I wouldn’t have been able to afford to shop there.

I was already thrifting some of my clothing, but except for one trip a year to the city, all of my new clothing (and that wouldn’t amount to much) came from JC Penney and Walmart. So, yeah — I could find a black t-shirt, but not a cool black t-shirt. Not the black t-shirt I really wanted.

I love to explain to people that I very nearly failed the sewing module in home ec in junior high, but only four years later I was working in theatrical costuming. This is all true. The difference is that at 13 I didn’t care about sewing, but at 15 I did. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t find or afford the kind of clothes I wanted to wear that I became very motivated to learn how to sew.

I started out with simple projects, using my grandma’s sewing machine. I finally convinced my family that I was serious about sewing, so my parents and grandparents went together to buy me a sewing machine for my 16th birthday. My grandma worked in a garment factory that made postal uniforms, and could get lots of scrap fabric for free — some of it uncut yardage — so I had plenty of material to practice with. My main problem at that point was stretching my allowance to buy other fabric.

I was fearless then. No one told me how hard zippers were or buttonholes — I just jumped in and practiced until I could do them correctly. And it really paid off. I was finally able to make my dreams of sartorial darkness a reality.

One early success was a pair of black (of course) crushed velvet shorts that I wore with tights and chunky boots. I remember how hard I worked at getting the buttonholes just right on a princess seamed floral sundress that had red roses on it the exact same color as my favorite lipstick. And I remember the first fitted skirt I made (also black, of course) because it was the first skirt I ever owned that fit at both my waist and my hips. Even at that size, there was a 12 inch difference between my waist and hips — and almost no ready-to-wear garment would work for that, unless it had an elastic waist.

Sure, sometimes my skills fell short of my imagination, and sometimes I just plain failed. But just trying was satisfying, and when things really did work, it was amazing.

My frustration had opened a window of almost endless possibilities.

A Month of Clothing Philosophy: The Metaphorical Elephant in the Room

I’m wearing a Comino Cap top for Me Made May today. The fabric is a tentacle patterned knit from Spoonflower.

This is my second year participating in Me Made May, and I want to do something a little different this time. I will spend this month not only wearing my own handmade clothing, but also examining my relationship to clothing in general, and why it’s so important to me, in a series of essays.

A Month of Clothing Philosophy — Part One
The Metaphorical Elephant in the Room

Long ago, in the halcyon days when my beloved E.K. lived right down the street instead of across the country, she once called early on a Saturday morning with some spontaneous plan for the day. She said she would be right over to pick me up and I said, “Give me 30 minutes — I have to get dressed.”

E.K. laughed and said, “You actually do that, don’t you? You ‘get dressed,’ but I just put on clothes!”

It was true then and it’s true now: I get dressed. I dress with thought and purpose, and spend more time thinking about, making, altering, and spending time with clothes than many do. (You’ll notice I don’t spend much time shopping for clothes, but we’ll get into that later.) And yet I’m not a fashionista. I don’t usually post OOTD snaps on social media, and although I often receive compliments on my outfits in real life, I’m not especially flamboyant or colorful. It’s likely I’ll never sport the candy colored hair and exquisitely chosen accessories necessary for social media success amongst the clothing elite.

I do get derisive looks from strangers, however, and have been on the receiving end of unpleasant stares far more often than I would like.

You want to know why? It’s simple enough: I’m fat.

I’m what I think of as “medium fat” — mammoth by Hollywood standards, of course, but completely functional in the real world. I’ve never needed a seat belt extender on an airplane, for instance — and being spared that particular indignity may be what brought home the concept of relative privilege for me. I may get less abuse than many fat people, but I still get some — you know? I “read” as thinner than I am, which also gets me better treatment. I have a strong jaw and prominent chin, so my double chin is less apparent. I’m not very busty (and am in fact three dress sizes smaller at the bust than at the hip), so I seem smaller than I might otherwise. I’m pear-shaped with a definite, smaller waist. I have a lot of relative privilege. I know that.

But I am definitely, demonstrably fat. I am plus sized, if you want a coy term. I am not euphemistically curvy, “overweight” (over what weight, exactly?), or — god forbid — fluffy, a term I despise more than almost any other. I’m simply fat, and when I use that word to describe myself I mean it just as a physical descriptor — like short, or pale. I don’t mean it as an insult.

It took me years to find this level of self acceptance, but fat is finally a neutral term for me, and it’s what I call myself.

So, now that we have that out of the way, we can begin to examine why I come to clothing with a different perspective than many, and why dressing well is both a creative and a political act for me. I’m not only here to shock the bourgeoisie (as fun as that can be), but I’m here to be visible, to represent an unfairly vilified segment of society.

Clothes can be a serious business, and they’re serious to me. Representation is important.

Clothing is important.

Gearing up for Me Made May…

Gearing up for Me Made May today! Clockwise, starting with the fox print, these will eventually be: a Cashmerette Concord T-Shirt modified with the Jennifer Lauren Handmade Gable Top neckline, Style Arc Ethel Designer Pant, a self-drafted swing tank, and a Seamwork Kenedy dress.

Odds are I won’t actually get all of them finished by the end of May, but I’m going to try!

(Can you tell that I’m too lazy to change the thread on my serger? There is a definitely a specific color story happening here.)

Apparently April was pretty distracting, too?

Um, I am not doing a very good job at keeping up with these posts. And this month I didn’t even do a very good job at keeping my list! I’d like to order the failure platter with a side of shame sauce, thanks.

Anyway, as far as I can tell I:

  1. Used my last birthday goodie from last month, a $5 off coupon at Jason’s Deli. (The potato soup is back! It’s my favorite thing there, but it’s seasonal.)
  2. Got a free jar of salsa, a free Larabar, and a free package of fancy Jell-O pudding mix at Kroger.
  3. Sewed a top using fabric scraps and fabric from a failed sewing experiment — and a free sewing pattern download. I even used a leftover piece of bias tape and thread I already had on hand. Although my time and labor certainly count for something, speaking only of supplies, I managed to make myself a free shirt.
  4. Read 17 free eBooks from the library, and one truly dreadful free book on my Kindle app. Seriously, I regretted it. Even though it was free. Ugh.

While we’re still keeping our failures in mind (I say “our” like I’m referring to myself in the royal “we,” I guess), I didn’t earn as much as usual this month, either — and wasn’t able to transfer anything extra from my income into savings. Perhaps I should add a slice of humble pie to my order above, too.

There’s always next month!

I got distracted in March.

I didn’t keep track of things very well last month. I was kind of overwhelmed with client work, but that also means I didn’t do much of anything besides work.

So, as best as I can recall, last month I:

  1. Had a free drink on my Starbucks card.
  2. Stocked up on gluten-free crackers and wraps at rock bottom prices at Aldi. We don’t have an one nearby so we rarely shop there, but sometimes stop by the one near my in-laws after a family lunch.
  3. Had another free drink from Starbucks, but for my birthday.
  4. Had a free small popcorn at the movies — again, for my birthday. I sign up for lots of loyalty programs just for the birthday goodies.
  5. Managed to put 12% of my net pay into savings in March. Maybe not great, but not terrible.
  6. Read 24 free eBooks from the library, and 2 free books on my Kindle app.

Maybe I’ll keep track more diligently this month. I can at least try!

A sophomore effort.

me-made-may'17

 

 

I’ve decided to do Me Made May again this year. Here’s my official pledge:

‘I, Sarah L. Crowder of codenamesarah.com (and @codenamesarah at Instagram), sign up as a participant of Me-Made-May ’17. I endeavour to wear at least one self-made garment every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday for the duration of May 2017.’

Once again, I’ve chosen a Monday / Wednesday / Saturday schedule because I usually only leave the house on those days, and also because I have less self-made clothing than I used to have. I only made a couple of things from last May until now, and have changed sizes (again!), so several older things no longer fit correctly. Several other garments are almost worn out, too — so I am having a bit of a shortage!

I’m going to use the month as an excuse to sew as many things as I can — not in a high-pressure sort of way, but in a “let’s see how much I can get done without stressing” sort of way. I hope to make a couple of knit tops, a knit dress, at least one skirt, and a pair of lightweight summer trousers. That seems ambitious, I know — but it’s barely more than one thing a week — and I plan to start my sewing in April, anyway.

I’m not promising photos, but I’ll try to post some either here or on Instagram. I may repeat garments, too. I want to be productive, but also…relaxed. Here’s to a fun Me Made May!