A trio of movies.

I took a break from my busy TV-watching schedule to watch a few movies, and here they are:

“The Shrine”

“The Shrine” was…pretty much okay. I found it sort of predictable, but I think like a scriptwriter and am rarely surprised. Still, I kind of liked it. I particularly liked that the scenes in Polish (I assume it was Polish, since they were supposed to be in Poland?) weren’t subtitled, which helped you to share in the alienation and confusion of the English-speaking characters. I guess that’s faint praise, but honestly – it was watchable, there were no rape scenes, and it had a couple of decent scares. It was a mediocre, but very palatable B horror movie. Why not waste an hour and a half of your life, right?

“The Possession”

I didn’t expect much from a movie with a 38% Rotten Tomatoes rating, but I really enjoyed it. This movie was subtle – and gradual – but it wasn’t slow or plodding. And any film involving the possession of a young girl is inevitably going to be compared to “The Exorcist,” which just isn’t fair.  But this is a very different (and very well acted) take on child possession. There was an alien quality to the spirit from the box that went beyond cinematic demons as they are normally portrayed – a coldness, and a hunger. This movie wasn’t a scare-a-moment thrill ride, true – but it was straight up creepy, didn’t suffer from CGI abuse, and although some of the “family in distress” story line felt a little forced, it was still the best horror movie I’ve seen in a while. I highly recommend it to the patient and discerning. In fact, I don’t really understand the hostility this movie has gotten in many reviews. It was pretty good. (Special bonus: Watch the “Paranormal Witness” episode in season 2 with a real dybbuk box for extra creepiness.)

“Red Lights”

Again, another sort of quiet, subtle movie that failed to connect with audiences – that I really enjoyed. And I, the Great Predictor of All Movie Endings, did not see the ending coming. I love that. I didn’t know much about this one going in, except for a hazily remembered trailer I had seen at some point – something about debunking psychics. I really only watched this out of my undying love for Sigourney Weaver, but that’s reason enough. I don’t want to give too much plot away, but despite the gloomy cinematography and the parapsychological subject matter, this isn’t a horror movie. It’s more of a supernaturally-tinged thriller – and an effective one, too. The silliest thing about the plot is that the parapsychology researchers get far more university funding than the debunkers do. Is there an emoticon for wiping tears of laughter? If so, insert one here. But don’t hold that against the movie. (Quick note for Netflix viewers: This streamed with extremely quiet sound. I don’t think I could have heard most of the dialogue on my laptop, and had to bump my TV’s sound to twice its normal volume to  hear it clearly.)

FMK: Characters on Metalocalypse.

Fuck: Charles Foster Offdensen, obviously. Anyone who can negotiate a Dethklok contract can negotiate consent like a BOSS. And you know he would be awesome in bed.

Marry: Pickles. Then, after being called “douchebag” one too many times, divorce Pickles. Then collect sweet, sweet Dethklok alimony forever.

Kill: Dr. Rockso. For one thing, I’m a coulrophobe and he’s a clown. But also…it would practically be a mercy killing. Yuh-yuh-yuh-yuh-yuh-yuh-YEAH!

Time change (cumulative).

I have an idea.

Next time we change the clocks, we “spring forward” an hour, right? But then in the autumn, we’re supposed to “fall back” an hour to even it out. I propose a new system: Let’s just keep springing forward an hour twice a year until dawn comes around 12:00 p.m.

Think about it. Graveyard shift workers will be able to go to sleep while it’s still dark. Night owls could be up at the crack of dawn – and get all of the sunlight they (we) really need.

This is a good plan, I know it.


Cemetary monument.

Well, 2012 was not very eventful for me (and probably a terrible disappointment to a lot of New Agers, too – hahaha) – but I did read 54 books and I finished 20 knitting or sewing projects. I never kept count before last year, and I was pretty impressed with myself. I’ve been sick so long that I had come to believe that I never finished anything anymore, so that was a nice surprise.

I’m taking an online photography course starting tomorrow, so I’m trying to stay quietly busy.

I know I said (around the same time last year, if memory serves) that I was going to decide what to do with this blog, and besides torching the archives in a fit of righteous destruction, I never really did. Oh, well! I think it’s time to just face up to the fact that it’s not going anywhere, even if I never post again. Harrumph!

I’m starting the new year slowly, but I have two simple resolutions:

  1. Put lotion on my hands twice a day. (Which is, for some reason, much harder than it seems. As evidenced by my cracked and red hands.) This also involves lots and lots of “Silence of the Lambs” jokes, because they never get old, oh my no.
  2. Get comfortable sewing knits. I’m one of those ridiculous sewists that are still wary of knits. I’m not afraid of them, but I have ruined so many projects that I know I simply do not have the same level of skill as I do with woven fabrics. So I’m taking an online course in that, and this is the year I’m finally going to get okay with knits – even if it means ruining ever piece of knit fabric that I buy. Maybe this resolution just means that I will get comfortable with ruining knits. That’s entirely possible. But I’ve been sewing for more than half of my life now, and it’s just silly that I can’t sew the kinds of clothes that I like to wear.

And that’s it. That’s all I’ve got. Nothing too outrageous. Please note that I made no promises or resolution regarding this webpage.

2013: The Year of Hand Lotion and Knit Sewing.

The blog is dead, long live the blog.

Fossilized mollusks.

It was as satisfying as watching a teenage diary burn when I deleted my old blog.

I hadn’t written anything of substance in a long time, but as the weeks passed, I realized that I still had things to say that didn’t fit in 140 characters. So, in short, I decided to give up blogging, but it didn’t take.

So here I am. Doing some more half-assed blogging for a nonexistent audience.

I almost renamed the blog “The Sarah L. Crowder Vanity Project,” but it wouldn’t fit in the header. Still, it’s best to think of it that way.

I feel so egotistical and weak. Sigh.