The rare pity party.

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I stayed home sick from work today, but still managed to wear something for Me Made May. These are a pair of frankentrousers made from an old Burda pattern and Seamwork Moji. I’d made a previous (slightly more successful, due to the more stable knit I originally used) pair of lounge pants from this pattern, and although these pants don’t look great, they’re very comfortable.

I didn’t like the waistband or the crotch curve (I know, I know — me and my crotch curves) of Moji, but I loved the leg shape, so I used the waistband and crotch shaping of an old Burda pattern for drawstring pants that I knew fit very well. Then, just to make it more complicated, I made it from a knit. (Both original patterns were meant for wovens, but I do this all the time.) It all worked out. I really like both pairs of pants I’ve made from my frankenpattern.

I am feeling pretty gloomy today, though — comfy pants aside. I have limited energy at the best of times, and though I manage it very well, there are still times I can’t do much and just have to rest. Today I’m having very low energy combined with a recurrent stomach issue that comes and goes. I couldn’t go to work, and I won’t be able to go to choir practice tonight, either.

I hate committing to some plan and then being unable to follow through. It makes me feel terrible. I do my best to manage my energy (and my expectations), but there are times when I simply can’t do what I said I would. I know that everyone flakes sometimes, but I’m always mortified when I do. It’s worse, too, when it’s something I have particularly been looking forward to — like singing with this choir — but again, there’s not much I can do about it.

I have a good life, a happy marriage, lots of interests and hobbies. I’m better off than a lot of people. I get a lot done, despite my limitations. But I’m only human, and sometimes I get frustrated and angry and very sad that I’m not better, or healthier, or more able.

And today I’m having one of those sad and frustrated days.

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