I want to unfollow “The Following.”

I want to unfollow “The Following,” but I just can’t seem to do it.

The dialogue is terrible. It’s like dramatic tension as imagined by 14 year old boys who shop at Hot Topic. And though I can’t fault the actors – there are some good performances here – it’s still painful to hear excellent actors plow their way through such stilted dialogue.

The concept is very cool, and it could have been great. A serial killer with a cult of serial killers following him? That could have been some excellent TV. Joe Carroll is like a literary Charles Manson. But they’ve barely touched upon Poe and the “dark romanticism” (is that a thing?) that inspires him…and when they have, they’ve done boneheaded things like MISPRONOUNCE “Amontillado.” Really? No one on set could figure that one out? No one at the reading table read “The Cask of Amontillado” in junior high English? Or, failing that, no one had actually had a glass of Amontillado Sherry? I’m dying and flailing here, and spouting dialogue as bad as that killer nanny, just from the shock of this.

It’s a terrible show. Look, I know it’s getting good reviews and the ratings are decent enough that it has already been renewed for another season, but c’mon, guys. It’s terrible. I once tried to explain part of the plot to my partner, but he laughed so hard at its absurdity that I gave up.

But I can’t stop watching it. And it’s not simple hate-watching, either. I really do want to know what happens next. But it’s so bad that I just shouldn’t care. I want to stop caring. I really do. I want to stop watching. But I’m on Hulu the minute a new show is posted. I’m in a creepy, toxic relationship with an awful TV show, and I don’t know how to stop.

Do they have self-help books for this?

Also, can someone kill that killer nanny for me? I HATE HER SO MUCH.


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