I want to unfollow “The Following.”

I want to unfollow “The Following,” but I just can’t seem to do it.

The dialogue is terrible. It’s like dramatic tension as imagined by 14 year old boys who shop at Hot Topic. And though I can’t fault the actors – there are some good performances here – it’s still painful to hear excellent actors plow their way through such stilted dialogue.

The concept is very cool, and it could have been great. A serial killer with a cult of serial killers following him? That could have been some excellent TV. Joe Carroll is like a literary Charles Manson. But they’ve barely touched upon Poe and the “dark romanticism” (is that a thing?) that inspires him…and when they have, they’ve done boneheaded things like MISPRONOUNCE “Amontillado.” Really? No one on set could figure that one out? No one at the reading table read “The Cask of Amontillado” in junior high English? Or, failing that, no one had actually had a glass of Amontillado Sherry? I’m dying and flailing here, and spouting dialogue as bad as that killer nanny, just from the shock of this.

It’s a terrible show. Look, I know it’s getting good reviews and the ratings are decent enough that it has already been renewed for another season, but c’mon, guys. It’s terrible. I once tried to explain part of the plot to my partner, but he laughed so hard at its absurdity that I gave up.

But I can’t stop watching it. And it’s not simple hate-watching, either. I really do want to know what happens next. But it’s so bad that I just shouldn’t care. I want to stop caring. I really do. I want to stop watching. But I’m on Hulu the minute a new show is posted. I’m in a creepy, toxic relationship with an awful TV show, and I don’t know how to stop.

Do they have self-help books for this?

Also, can someone kill that killer nanny for me? I HATE HER SO MUCH.

“TV is so much better than movies these days because TV shows aren’t TV shows anymore. Because now we live in this DVD, iTunes, Hulu age, and show creators and networks are realizing that and letting shows develop on those terms rather than ‘We gotta just punch it week to week, man.’ Now they’re like, ‘What will happen if someone watches the entire show?’ If Twin Peaks had come out two years ago, it would still be on the air. It would be this massive tapestry.”
Patton Oswalt

Another rejected Twitter bio.

“Afraid of clowns, spiders, & sticky jam hands. I enjoy pretending to be a T-Rex, wearing cardigan sweaters, & insisting that everyone around me listen to whatever obscure band I love at the moment. OXFORD COMMA FOREVS!”

Note: This one is mostly accurate.

Pitch idea.

Today’s pitch: Comedy series about an aging all-woman hair metal band named Sügar Katt, their super tough (yet gentle and wise) female roadie, and their return to the big time with an unexpected late career hit. Hijinks include a rivalry with another band called BitchGarten, dealing with hipster fans who only like them ironically, and whether being on top again is worth it.

It’s like Spinal Tap meets Jem, only 20 years later. Includes a lot of salty language and adult situations, plus music that will rock your face off.

The show’s name? JAM OUT WITH YOUR CLAM OUT.

That’s right. You’re welcome.

P.S. Their first hit was called “Leather and Lace.”

A month of tiny failures.

I started February’s A Month of Tiny Steps with the best of intentions. I ended February’s AMoTS with a solemn resolve to “do better next time.”

To begin with, I chose the exact wrong sort of thing to do: A close ended, single project that only lent itself to tiny steps at a couple of different stages. I know where I went wrong, and I won’t make the same mistake again. We’ll call this a “learning experience.”

These tiny steps were also meant to help in habit formation, and sewing is unlikely to be a daily habit for me (unless I end up making a living that way again). I’m not trying to build up a body of sewing work, or stretch my skills on a daily basis. Writing lends itself especially well to the tiny steps method, and I’ve had great results using the technique with knitting projects, too. I’m not much of an artist, but I can see how drawing (more than painting or sculpting) would be an excellent use of tiny steps, too. But sewing? Not so much.

Sewing is a flow activity for me. One step flows easily into the next, and 20 minutes is not enough when I am in that head space. I take lots of reasonable breaks when sewing, so I’m not likely to tire myself out more than usual. (Though I learned that the hard way.)

So I’m going to continue to sew the way I have had the most success. I use infrequent very good energy days to cut several projects at once, and then take as much time as I need to sew through the pre-cut projects. The last two or three times I’ve done this I have gotten much more done than cutting and sewing one project at a time.

Also – and I know this is a petty complaint, as I have a dedicated sewing area – I really hate leaving out the ironing board. I can, technically – it just barely fits by the bed – but it’s such a nuisance that I would rather put it away each time I finish sewing. So that’s also against the “have all your tools ready to go and portable” rule.

All that being said, I would like to sew more. I really do enjoy sewing, and I particularly like making my own clothes. But I will use my daily tiny steps for other activities in the future.

See? Learning experience.